Ah, the classic age-old argument; what's better? Surfing or Bodyboarding? Let me give you the short and quick answer: it doesn't fucking matter. I'll be sure to go over the downfalls/gayness of each sport, as well as a cap here and there on that one fucking dick chisel, Donovan F.
Ok, let me get started with Bodyboarding first. I love riding a boogie, and prolly wont quit until I get too old or Bockman somehow gets elected as President of the United States. That doesn't mean I'm going to sit here and defend every boogieboarder up and down the California coast though. I hate 98%...actually make that 99%, of bodyboarders in California. Between the Eddie Orange County faggots, super tatted big-tough-guys-that-suck-but-since-they-are-tough-automatically-think-they-are-good-types, and norcal weed-smoking mysto reef claimers, I can't fucking take it. That doesn't even include all of the other shitheads riding a fuckin' neon green custom X doing slow ass spins with their legs open as wide as a vietnamese transvestite fuck-toy. I'm not one of those "iron cross", Wladimir Bobosick/Ryan V. cross-your-legs enthusiants, but fuck, it's not that hard to see what looks like shit, and what doesn't. All of you faggots out there complaining about how surfers don't give us any respect and blah blah blah, bring a mirror out with you when you surf, and take a hard fucking look in it. The reason why bodyboarding is so looked down upon in this godfor-fucking-saken state is because of all you shitheads blowing it. Trying a goddamn ARS on a 3ft bank section, delbowing the fuck out of a solid tube, doing nick ostrovsky-esque daniela frietas rolls, and acting like you are fucking hard. I'm not hard by any means, but i don't sit there and make my riding look as if i'm getting fucked by a steroids-ridden ex-NFL linebacker, doing cutbacks as jerky as a fuckin slim jim. Moral of the story here: i hope bodyboarding dies, and the 99% of you that make me embarressed to say i'm a bodyboarder in california go eat sushi with Monroe and Crowbar.
Surfing. Oh yeah, just got my fuckin' turn on at Rincon, yeah ok, fuck you. The amount of complete and utter gayness that has come from the surfing industry these last few years disgusts me. Whether it be from claiming spots that bodyboarders had pioneered years ago, to praising wannabe-hippy faggots with shitty music (Donovan Frakenreiter), to exposing every fuckin' spot in the goddamn world, surfing makes me wanna puke no matter what. Almost every single day that I've been in the water with surfers, I've been disgusted. Especially on a decent day, 98% of the surfers here in california suck more cock than Clay Aiken. And it's quite hilarious that those 98% that suck chung are the ones talking shit about bodyboarding. Yeah, how about i take your $900 Al Merrick, coat it in salicylic acid, and jam it up your fucking ass. I'm sure it would feel a helluva-lot better than outrunning a solid keg and trying to carve on the shoulder, like you are carving a fucking ice sculpture of Macauly Culkin at a Michael Jackson memorial. A lot of the good surfers know what's good surfing, whether you are riding a boogie or a shortboard, and those are the guys i tip my hat off to. I have nothing but respect for them. The whole, "i'm into slabs" surfing trend nowadays makes me laugh as well, haha! A surfboard isn't functional in a short, quick, sucky, thick wave. Go take your board out to fuckin' Campus Point (oh yeah, there's some bodyboard faggots that actually ride there, ooooops!), and do a few turns, get all stoked, go eat at Lily's, and go smoke some stupid fucking weed. Just the fact that kids from fuckin Missouri wanna buy surfing clothes because of the whole, "duuuude i'm sooo relaxed, i'm Sean Penn, some liberal faggot that played a surfer in Fast Times at Ridgemont High" vibe, makes me wanna shit my goddamn pants. Woo hoo, you guys "stand up", that's fucking great. I sit down when i take a shit, and it feels really good.
I know that I went off on some shitty rant, complete with run-on sentences, grammar mistakes, and so on and so forth. What this all boils down to: it doesn't matter what the fuck you ride, it matters how you ride it. Surfboard, Bodyboard, Kneeboard, fucking Kickboard, it doesn't matter. The guys that don't make their sport look like shit are the ones that are keeping it real.
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